Whooshh!
I ran right through the inflatable arch with excitement trying my best to get past the person in front of me.I ran like I was chasing my prey and the person at the back of me was my predator.
I was jogging it so that I wouldn’t lose my energy and so that I won’t pass out.I went forward and ran down the hill past the drink station ran past the goal post around the court and ran straight past the cones turned right jumped into the round circular shaped hula hoops and ran straight back to the start.
I could feel the wet sweat coming down my face and it tickled me to death so I wiped it off curiously.I ran again and again and again 7 times it was soooo tiring.When we were done we all took pictures near the arch and we were posing in different ways.Later on we went back to class and we ate lunch.
By Hingano
Sweat Drips running down my forehead,Puffing and puffing! I ran to the finish line! FINALLY IT'S OVER! The Adidas Fun run was really really fun!(No wonder it’s called the fun run).But at the same time it was the most tiring thing I have ever done.I don’t even know how many laps I did but it felt like 50!My favourite bit was encouraging the little ones to keep persisting.I felt like a great role model encouraging them.And my second favourite was taking photos at the end! The Adidas Fun Run was the BOMB!
By Mele
Yay my one is on it!
ReplyDeleteGreat job mele.I like the way you used your hooks.What you should work on is adverbs to describe your verbs.
ReplyDeleteOk thanks for the feedback!You also did really well with your writing.I like the way you have used adverbs amd how you were describing the person at the back of you as you said the person at the front of you was your prey and the person at the back was your predator!Do we need to know about how we went back to class and eat our lunch?Maybe just try to end it!And maybe describe the atmosphere a bit more like describing the hoola hoops and how you were running so the reader can get a better picture in their heads.But overall great job!
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ReplyDeleteThanks Mele
ReplyDeleteThanks Mele
ReplyDeleteGreat job Mele.I like the way you used your hooks.The thing that you should work on is more adverbs to describe your verbs.
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ReplyDeletewow well done mele and hingano
ReplyDeleteHi Sumaya, hope you're enjoying Intermediate school!
DeleteI wish I was back in room three
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ReplyDeletethanks Mr Margetts I really am enjoying intermediate wish I could come back to see you
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